My Birth Story in 13 Photographs

4/17/2015

Our daughter turned 1 last Friday. As much as it's been a celebration of this wonderful milestone, it's been an anniversary, too. What a monumental, life-changing event her birth was for me.

I wrote my (/our) birth story when she was still only a few weeks old, the memory still fresh in my mind. I needn't have worried - her birth has become an integral part of me.

Instead of sharing the story as I recorded it then, this is my experience seen through the affirmations I was given for her birth. It's a powerful story.

Blessing for all mothers, all babies and all births.

I awoke at 1:30am feeling a powerful wave of nausea hit me. My body felt keyed up, buzzy and strange. I'd read about hormone surges that signal labor is soon to begin. I lay awake wondering...

At 3:30am I was up again, this time to pee (for the umpteenth time). Something seemed usual, though, and when I turned on the bathroom light to look, I saw my water had broken. It was more of a leak than a gush but I was sure it was amniotic fluid. My midwives said we'd have to wait and see, and to try and get some more sleep in the meantime...

I lay in bed wide awake for the next 3 hours, until I could reasonably get up. Nothing was happening - no contractions, no more fluid. It was my husband's first day at his new job and since there were no big developments, I told him to go work, saying I didn't want to feel like a "watched pot" and we surely had a long time to go since it was my first labor...

At 9am I went to see my midwives and based on a pH test, they couldn't be sure my waters in fact begun to leak. I was disappointed and confused - I thought once your water breaks you were supposed to start a fast and furious labor! I went home again to wait and wonder...

At 10am, after 6.5 hours of nothing, suddenly my labor began. My contractions came regular and strong. By the time my husband made it back from work at noon and we tried to go for a walk, I could only make it around the corner before it became too difficult...

My contractions were quickly getting hard to handle. By the time the first midwife arrived at 2pm, I was already 6cm dilated. I was surprised and elated to hear my progress! I remember after that our midwife went straight away to prepare and organize all the birth supplies, saying "We're just going to breathe this baby out..."

Over the next few hours my contractions grew more and more intense and painful...and then something happened. I looked down to see my belly moving, our baby twisting and turning into some new positioning. After that, everything slowed down. I wondered, would my labor would stall as it had for other women in my family?

Laboring on my back, my side, my hands and knees, on the birth ball, the birth stool, in the tub, in the shower... 6pm: uneven dilation, pain, vomiting...then, "We see hair!" 8:30pm: finally, pushing.

Everything I'd read made it seem like getting to the pushing part would be the most difficult but that once you got there, you'd feel a rush of energy and soon your baby would be born! Hours and hours and hours of pushing went by as I repeated my mantra...

5 hours of pushing later. The world shrank down to pure sensation. Exhaustion. Doubt. Our baby's heart rate was steady but her progress down the birth canal was incredibly slow. Could I do this?

2am: a transfer to the birthing center. I wanted to know, "Is there anything else you can do?" The answer: just keep going.

18 hours since the first contraction. 8 hours of pushing. The midwife's voice penetrating a fog of exhaustion and pain: "Reach down and grab your baby!"

The most amazing moment of my entire life. Welcome to the world, Bhramari Jay. We're so glad you've come.

Our daughter was born posterior (facing my belly) and acsynclitic (her head turned to the side). For many mothers this would have resulted in drugs, interventions and c-sections. With deep gratitude to my amazing birth team - my husband and mother, River Valley Midwives and the Holyoke Birthing Center - I was able to give birth the way I had hoped.

Happy 1st birthday dear daughter. You are light, you are laughter, you are brilliant spark. You are joy, you are discovery, you are unquenchable curiosity. You are looking deeply, you are shining brightly, you are pure spirit.

I love you with my whole heart, for my whole life.