Marriage isn’t walking off into the sunset. Marriage is more like this picture...walking hand in hand into the great, wide unknown.
I often think of this quote from UU ministers Barbara and Bill Hamilton-Holway:
When I share this quote with engaged couples, some of them cringe or look at me wide-eyed. But when I read it to couples who’ve been married a while, whether 2 years or 20, they just nod knowingly.
Marriage is perhaps the greatest leap of faith we can take, only we don’t always realize it at first.
It is as the months and years wind and ravel, as we are weathered by sun and squalls that we come to fully understand our undertaking.
It is there, in the plain light of our days, that we can reach for our beloved’s hand and know what our promise truly means.
It is a typical morning, the three of us hustling to get ready for school and work.
I am out the door first, hastily scraping the frost from my windshield and wondering if Alexander, who is taking Bhramari to school, has an ice scraper in his car.
(Yes, it is entirely possible that even by January, my husband may not have one handy – sorry, babe.)
I finish clearing my car and dash to his, leaving my scraper leaning against his driver’s door, just in case.
I start back to my car when the thought occurs to me…
At what point in our relationship would I have scraped his windshield for him?
Seriously, I wondered.
When we were dating? Definitely.
When we were engaged? For sure.
When we were first married? Without a doubt.
But now, five and a half years in?
I am standing in my driveway on this cold January morning when I realize the marriage I want is in those little things – the thoughtful gestures my sweet, young couples always tell me about.
When people say, “You should never stop dating your spouse,” or when poets declare, “The courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years,” what they mean is, “You should always scrape your partner’s windshield.”
And so I did.
Poetry and Musings of an Interfaith Minister on the Journey of a Lifetime.